Official findings from last night
Certified Lightweight
A formal review of Inney, two glasses of wine, and a room that would not stop spinning.
Tap the button below to see the world through Inney's eyes after two glasses
Exhibit A
Wine Tolerance Assessment
- Subject
- Inney
- Dose
- 1.0 glass of wine
- Effect
- Dizzy. Immediately.
- Follow-up dose
- Glass #2, requested by the subject against medical advice
- Effect
- Dizzier. Spinning. Then sleepy.
- Tolerance
- 0.4 glasses (estimated)
Exhibit B
The Dizzy-O-Meter
Composed. Elegant. Blissfully unaware of what is coming.
Exhibit C
Timeline of the Night
- First place
Glass #1 ordered. Sipped politely, like a responsible adult.
- Leaving the first place
Remaining wine downed in one go, because leaving it would be a waste.
- Dinner
Insists on Glass #2. Confidence: 100%. Ability: 12%.
- Shortly after
The room starts spinning. She blames the floor.
- Not long after that
Sleepy mode activated. Soft shutdown in progress.
Exhibit D
Final Scorecard
Exhibit E: outstanding complaint
The Unrated Scooter Ride
After dinner a private driver kindly took the passenger home by scooter. He asked for a rating. He is still waiting.
Tap to rate. Please be fair. (Fair means five.)
Driver's review of passenger
"Lovely passenger. Zero tip. Ignored rating requests. Would still drive again."
Exhibit F
The Bag
Most people bring a small handbag on a date. Inney brought luggage. (See Exhibits G and H below: the bag travels everywhere.)
Bag Inventory (partial)
- HoodieConfirmed
- Phone chargerConfirmed
- All sorts of other thingsConfirmed
- A second hoodie, just in caseSuspected
- Emergency snacks for a small villageSuspected
- Space for a third glass of wineNot needed
Photographic evidence
Exhibits G to I
Upright, unassisted, smiling. Sunglasses parked on her head, on standby for the morning after. Please also note the bag.
Dark glasses deployed to hide the hangover. The investigation also finds that Inney has a clear thing for big balls. She insists her interest is purely architectural.
Horizontal, shaded, facing away from all wine. Recovery is expected to take one full beach day per glass.
Expert recommendations
- Next date: half a glass. Maximum.
- Alternatively, grape juice in a wine glass. Nobody will know.
- Leaving wine in the glass is allowed. It is not a waste. It is survival.
- Please rate your driver.
Despite the spinning, the chugging and the unpaid rating, the reviewer considers the evening a complete success.