Official findings from last night

Certified Lightweight

A formal review of Inney, two glasses of wine, and a room that would not stop spinning.

Tap the button below to see the world through Inney's eyes after two glasses

New: Date 2 report just filed ↓

Breaking: Date 2 report

The Ramen Incident

Venue: Japanese restaurant. The subject arrived hungry, confident, and with the same enormous bag.

What Inney ordered

  • SushiEaten
  • SashimiEaten
  • One huge bowl of ramen, ordered after all thatAbout 20% eaten
  • Wine1 glass only

RAMEN COMPLETED: ~20% · REMAINING: ENOUGH FOR A FAMILY OF FOUR

Current status: very full and slightly embarrassed. The ramen has been left behind with full honours. It fought bravely.

Date 12 glassesFull carousel. Blamed the floor.
Date 21 glassMild wobble only. Real progress.
Date 1 dizzinessAsleep mid-sentenceLegendary.
Date 2 dizzinessGigglyReplaced by being extremely full.
Graham Rides
Trip#2, after the ramen
VehicleScooter (premium)
Passenger conditionVery full
Extra cargo80% of a ramen, internally
Tip receivedStill 0
Trip #1 rating: still not received. Please rate both.
How was your driver this time?

He drove extra smoothly because of the ramen. Rate accordingly.

Prescribed recovery programme

Sushi, sashimi and 20% of a giant ramen do not burn themselves off. Medical advice is clear: exercise is required, tonight.

  1. Low-intensity walk to digest the ramen.
  2. Indoor cardio. Personal trainer provided free of charge.
  3. Repeat step 2 until the ramen has been fully accounted for.

The trainer is available immediately and has excellent reviews. Well, he would have, if a certain passenger ever rated him.

Exhibit A

Wine Tolerance Assessment

Subject
Inney
Dose
1.0 glass of wine
Effect
Dizzy. Immediately.
Follow-up dose
Glass #2, requested by the subject against medical advice
Effect
Dizzier. Spinning. Then sleepy.
Tolerance
0.4 glasses (estimated)
Lightweight, Grade A

Exhibit B

The Dizzy-O-Meter

SOBER ASLEEP
Sober

Composed. Elegant. Blissfully unaware of what is coming.

Exhibit C

Timeline of the Night

  1. First place

    Glass #1 ordered. Sipped politely, like a responsible adult.

  2. Leaving the first place

    Remaining wine downed in one go, because leaving it would be a waste.

  3. Dinner

    Insists on Glass #2. Confidence: 100%. Ability: 12%.

  4. Shortly after

    The room starts spinning. She blames the floor.

  5. Not long after that

    Sleepy mode activated. Soft shutdown in progress.

Exhibit D

Final Scorecard

Drinking ability★★★★★
Commitment to the second glass★★★★★
Dizziness★★★★★+3 bonus
Speed of the leaving-the-bar chug★★★★★
Company★★★★★

Exhibit E: outstanding complaint

The Unrated Scooter Ride

After dinner a private driver kindly took the passenger home by scooter. He asked for a rating. He is still waiting.

Graham Rides
VehicleScooter (premium)
Passenger conditionSpinning
FareFree
Tip received0
Rating overdue. Driver has asked more than once.
How was your driver?

Tap to rate. Please be fair. (Fair means five.)

Driver's review of passenger

Tipping★★★★★
Rating the driver★★★★★
Staying upright★★★★★
Being great company★★★★★

"Lovely passenger. Zero tip. Ignored rating requests. Would still drive again."

Exhibit F

The Bag

Most people bring a small handbag on a date. Inney brought luggage. (See Exhibits G and H below: the bag travels everywhere.)

Normal date bagLipstick, keys, phone
Inney's bagEverything

Bag Inventory (partial)

  • HoodieConfirmed
  • Phone chargerConfirmed
  • All sorts of other thingsConfirmed
  • A second hoodie, just in caseSuspected
  • Emergency snacks for a small villageSuspected
  • Space for a third glass of wineNot needed

Photographic evidence

Exhibits G to I

Inney smiling on temple steps with sunglasses on her head and her big bag on her shoulder
Exhibit G: before any wine

Upright, unassisted, smiling. Sunglasses parked on her head, on standby for the morning after. Please also note the bag.

Inney in dark sunglasses leaning against a giant stone sphere
Exhibit H: the morning after

Dark glasses deployed to hide the hangover. The investigation also finds that Inney has a clear thing for big balls. She insists her interest is purely architectural.

Inney reclining on a beach lounger under an umbrella, looking away
Exhibit I: the recovery position

Horizontal, shaded, facing away from all wine. Recovery is expected to take one full beach day per glass.

Expert recommendations

10/10 would buy Inney a second glass again.

Despite the spinning, the chugging and the unpaid rating, the reviewer considers the evening a complete success.